Author: Bonnie Burton
Cover Artist: Tanya Napier
Publisher: Zest/Orange Avenue
Binding: Paperback
Publication Date: February 6, 2009
We all know that boys and girls are different, for obvious and not-so-obvious reasons. One of the biggest differences is in the way we fight. Boys tend to take matters out back, duke it out, and resolve the problem. Enough said. Girls, on the other hand, wage a deeper psychological warfare, one that is based on biological competition. Author Bonnie Burton has compiled a visually appealing discussion of relational aggression that amounts to more than the usual anti-bullying material.
After exploring the physical and chemical explanations for the mood swings that often cause seemingly irrational behavior in teenage girls, she offers practical advice on how to manage situations involving ‘mean girls.’ What if the mean girl is you? Burton shares how readers can recognize these habits and behaviors in themselves and make changes to improve their relationships and stop perpetuating the cycle. Most importantly, she acknowledges that victims of these invisible, non-physical methods of bullying have a right to feel lousy about what is happening to them. It is unrealistic to expect anyone to be comfortable as the subject of nasty gossip, the ‘silent treatment,’ verbal abuse, or boyfriend stealing. Girls in this position – and we all have been at one point in time or another – need to take time for themselves to focus on expressing their anger and frustration with exercise, writing, or talking to others about their feelings and experiences. It is one thing to act like you don’t care what others think of you, and quite another to find that place in yourself where you actually don’t care what they think. Burton advises on situations when victims need to reach out to adults to ask for help, and gives girls authority over their choice of friends and control of their happiness.
“Don’t make space in your head for people who make you miserable,” asserts painter Isabel Samaras, one of the many successful women quoted throughout the book. With her realistic portrayal of relational aggression and down-to-earth writing style, Burton gives girls the tools to learn to value themselves and others enough to promote healthy and happy friendships, in their teenage years and beyond. She offers more advice on her website, Grrl.com.
