Short Thoughts on Short Fiction Vol. 11: A new rule and the LEAP

Greetings, buttnuts (in case you haven’t figured it out, I will, my dear readers, be casually insulting you at the beginning of every new column). I’m back from vacation rested, relaxed, and extremely tan from lying on the beach for seven days straight. I won’t say I’m ready to head back to work just yet, but hey, I kinda like having a roof over my head, so I figure it’s either back to the grind or homelessness.

But first some bitching and complaining and reviews to ease me into the work week.

Okay, order of business #1

Folks, I really do want to say thank you for all the kind responses I’ve been receiving via Facebook, Twitter, and e-mail concerning Short Thoughts, I really do appreciate it.  But, I am now instating yet another rule regarding e-mailing me. As with digital tirades, all requests for me to review your story, or your buddy’s story, or your perverted Uncle Clayton’s new piece over at Dogzplot will be flushed down the virtual toilet without being read. Yeah, your story may be the best piece of writing since David Goodis danced his crazy ass fingers across a typewriter, but as of this moment, I will wipe my ass with your request and openly mock you in Short Thoughts and on my blog.

To quote Stan Lee, “ ’Nough said.”

Now for some reviews.

What I wanted to do with this particular column is spotlight a few writers who are poised to make the LEAP or who have already made the LEAP. Now, what is the LEAP you ask? Well, the LEAP is what I think most of us lowly online writers are attempting to accomplish. The LEAP being writing a novel and having some sucker—I mean, publisher, pay us for our words, and maybe, just maybe, we can make a living doing what we love.

     
Brotherly Love by Eric Beetner, published by Flash Fiction Offensive

Eric’s first novel (with co-author JB Kohl), One Too Many Blows to the Head, will be released by Second Wind Publishing some time soon. (Huh, how about an official release date Second Wind?)

Our first story is about a little wacko named Neil, and Neil’s a little “special.” He’s so special that he wants to be his big sister Julie’s first and only lay. The major issue—other than the fact that Neil and Julie are brother and sister—is a young man by the name of Carter has got his eyes on the prize as well. Needless to say, Neil ain’t gonna let Carter lay a greasy finger on his big sis. First off, let me give you the warning that “Brotherly Love” is a graphic and disturbing piece of flash fiction, and I loved every word of it. It takes some serious balls to write a story like this, and I’m telling you, Beetner is packing some 20-pounders in his sack.

3 stars

     
Side Orders by Nick Quantrill, published by Thrillers, Killers, ’n’ Chillers

Quantrill’s first novel, Broken Dreams, will be released in December of 2009 by UK publisher, Caffeine Nights.

Quantrill’s story features his first novel’s protagonist, PI Joe Geraghty. The piece focuses on Geraghty investigating a string of robberies being committed against a delivery boy named Darren, who works for a take-away joint that’s owned by a friend of Geraghty’s partner. In the course of his investigation, Geraghty discovers that Darren is delivering a little bit more than pizza and the robberies are all nothing more than a elaborate hoax.

I don’t have any real complaints about “Side Orders,” but in the same breath none of the elements of the story really drove it home for me. I will say that Quantrill is a very stylistic writer, and his prose is easily comparable to early Dennis Lehane.

2 stars

     
Flesh Rule by Frank Bill, published by Plots with Guns

Bill is currently in the midst of revising his first novel, Donnybrook, and was recently signed on with the Donald Maas Literary Agency.

When I first decided to start up Short Thoughts again, I considered not reviewing from periodical zines in which I appeared. But I quickly zapped this idea because authors whose work appear in these zines is usually some of the best short fiction being published on the web; so I figured, what the Hell, why punish the writers who are unfortunate enough to appear alongside my pulp ramblings. And with “Flesh Rule,” I’m more than happy to have eliminated the whole notion.

“Flesh Rule” focuses on Sadah, a seriously pissed off Iraqi owner and operator of a dog fighting pit and Detective Stray Duke, who’s investigating the disappearance of several degenerate gamblers—including his own father—and the discovery of several hundred pounds of dead dogs. The story’s title stems from Sadah’s favorite aspect of operating her dog fighting ring, pitting human beings who’re so in debt to her that the only way of paying off their gambling losses is by going toe-to-toe with one of Sadah’s blood thirsty hounds. Like all of Bill’s stories, the action takes place in the deep backwoods south and is populated with colorful, over-the-top characters. Bill’s prose style is perhaps one of the most unique going right now. His sentences are clipped, visceral, and brutal to read. “Flesh Rule” is easily one of the best short stories of the year. Highly recommended.

4 stars

That’s it for today, folks. Don’t let the door smack you on the ass on the way out.