World’s Worst Interview: Charlie Stella Interviewed by Victor Gischler

On his old, now defunct site, Victor Gischler conducted a series of interviews from the end of 2004 to mid-2005. With his permission BSC will be reprinting his World’s Worst Interview series over the next few days. Sometimes the internet feels temporary, and good content gets lost or forgotten in the rush forward. When possible, we want to blow the dust off of something and bring it back to the front. If you know of something that should be reprinted let me know.

Victor Gischler conducted the following interview with Charlie Stella in June of 2005.

Charlie is the author of some great hardboiled novels like Charlie Opera and Cheapskates. Some fine work. Also, his novels get rave reviews. A must read guy. Let’s bother him with some moronic questions.

Victor Gischler:  You write some tough, kick-ass novels. Ever think about doing a different kind a story, like maybe about some broads who share a pair of pants?

Charlie Stella: Broads? Hmm, that anything like lemmings? Just joking except aren’t they supposed to wear skirts? Two broads in a skirt or three in a fountain or maybe two skirts in a skirt. I’ll give it a shot, why not?

What’s the best thing about New Jersey? The worst?

Best: We’re leaving it Friday; moving back to Brooklyn (God’s country). Worst: We’re not leaving today!

If I were stumbling around Manhattan, looking for some grub, how could I tell an authentic Italian place from a fake? I’ve seen fast-food burger places, chicken places and taco places? I’ve never seen a fast-food Italian place. Explain.

I think they have some forms of them (Sbarrro?) but it’s sort of like the mob these days used to have to be Italian (Sicilian at one point) to be a made guy. Then they changed the rules to both parents had to be Italian then it was just the father, now, you eat a slice of pizza (so long it’s not frozen), you’re in. Same thing goes for the food, you wear a red and white shirt, it don’t matter you’rr from Uzbekistan when you serve it, it passes for Italian. The world is upside down.

Frank Sinatra or Bob Dylan?

What, are you looking for a beatin? Old blue eyes, the dead one.  But surely you know I’m a HUGE (yeah, and overweight one, too) Average White Band fan.

Any film interest in any of your novels? Seems like Bobby Dinero would be all over you. Which Hollywood actors can you picture in the movie versions of your books?

Cheapskates is still being looked at out west. And I heard yesterday from a friend “in the biz” regarding Jimmy Bench-Press. Jamie Foxx & Morgan Freeman (Cheapskates) and Andy Garcia/Michael Madsen (JBP)–four thin, distinguished, handsome guys like ourselves, Victor.
What’s the heaviest thing you’ve ever thrown off a bridge?

A painted-over nightstick.

If you could pick any career in the world to try for a month, what would it be?

Opera star, but I gotta be the star!

Mmmmmmmmm. Coffee. Opinions?

I drink two pots a day. Prefer the stuff off the wagons in the city (wrote a play called Coffee Wagon that was performed at the Bruno Walter auditorium at Lincoln Center many years ago) and almost bought a few of the wagons back in the day. Starbucks is really good stuff but it pisses me off you need a loanshark (or credit card) to buy something there. And I love Larry David’s rant on those joints in one of his Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes: “Ah, coffee with milk! Who would’ve thought?” All that latte bullshit pisses me off.  The pussification of America is what it is!

Give us the straight dope on what’s next for Charlie Stella.

A bunch of short story appearances and a couple new novels to shop, but I doubt I’ll be going the same route ever again. Life is way too short…especially for a fat man smokes like a chimney.

Thanks, Charlie. In all seriousness, Stell is one hell of a nice guy as well as a top-notch author. Buy his books right now! Also, visit him at his website.

And BSC Review would like to thank Victor Gischler for the generous use of this interview series!

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Victor Gischler is the author of 4 hard-boiled crime novels. His debut novel Gun Monkeys was nominated for the Edgar Award, and his novel Shotgun Opera was an Anthony Award finalist. His work has been translated into Italian, French, Spanish and Japanese. He earned a Ph.D. in English at the University of Southern Mississippi where they beat him with rolled up newspapers and fed him raw liver. His fifth and sixth novels Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse and Vampire a Go-Go were published by the Touchstone/Fireside imprint of Simon & Schuster.