On his old, now defunct site, Victor Gischler conducted a series of interviews from the end of 2004 to mid-2005. With his permission BSC will be reprinting his World’s Worst Interview series over the next few days. Sometimes the internet feels temporary, and good content gets lost or forgotten in the rush forward. When possible, we want to blow the dust off of something and bring it back to the front. If you know of something that should be reprinted let me know.
Victor Gischler conducted the following interview with Dennis Lehane in May of 2005.
Dennis Lehane needs no introduction. If you’ve not read or at least heard of Mystic River and Shutter Island, then you’ve been under a rock at the bottom of the sea. Since he’s one of the most successful authors in the entire history of all mankind, it’s important that we now waste his valuable time.
Victor Gischler: What’s the stupidest thing you ever heard somebody say in a writing workshop? Did fisticuffs ensue?
Dennis Lehane: Oh, man, that’s a long list. I was in a workshop once where the class literally split into two teams on opposite sides of the room and just stared across at each other with bald hatred for the entire semester–”You’re not using that gerund in our house, baby! Not in our house!” It was kinda like that. And there was this one member of the opposing team who began every critique with: “Wouldn’t it be more interesting if…” and then proceeded to rewrite the entire story being workshopped. I remember this person once suggested that a story about two gay waiters in Miami was “cliched,” and wouldn’t it be better if they were, you know, two gay ranchers in Texas. I was sitting beside the author, who was a good friend of mine and a terrific writer, and I finally exploded with, “Or two gay pipefitters in Alaska, or maybe two hermaphrodite coal miners in Ohio, or…” The professor later admitted to me that he would pray before every class for the semester to just end, please end.
If you survived the end of the world, what would your new, tough post-apocalypse nickname be? Explain.
Jurzak the Hat Man. In the post-apocalyptic world, everyone’s going to need a good hat.
What’s your favorite thing to do on a lazy, rainy day when nobody’s looking? (And what would you drink while doing it?)
Well, it would involve tequila and Amanda Peet, and I wouldn’t be alone, but since Ms. Peet doesn’t return my calls, I guess I would be alone.
What is your darkest secret? Wait … that’s too nosey. What is your 7th-darkest secret?
It hurts me that I’ve never lived up my billing as “the next Keanu.” I know, I know, people have made it clear that I’ve done so well on this other path, but, man, I was born to play Johnny Mnemonic. Born for it!
Waffles or flapjacks?
Slim Jims.
Do you think you could kick Sean Doolittle’s ass at video golf? It’s harder to do than you might think.
I believe it was when I posted my 20-under-par score from Links Pro on my fridge that most friends gave up all hope I could become a productive and functioning adult. I would crush Doolittle.
Pirates or cowboys?
Well, sexually, I hear that pirates are surprisingly gentle, while cowpokes are made of sterner stuff. But as to other issues–on one hand, I don’t like galleons, on the other, I don’t like horses. I guess I’d prefer to be ship-wrecked in the Caribbean, though, as opposed to, say, Tempe. I think the real question would have included a third choice–musketeer. 17th-century France, baby, now that was an era.
What are some books/authors you enjoy that might surprise us?
People always think it strange that I dig Edith Wharton. I can’t explain it myself, since I can’t stand Henry James and Wharton’s a direct literary descendent of his. There’s just something cool about the genteel savagery of her “violence.” It’s not the violence of a blow or a gunshot; it’s the violence of a well-placed whisper. I also love Marguerite Duras, which baffles some folks. Otherwise, the place where people get really confused is in the films I like most. If I were to list my favorite movies of the last 15 years, there’d be nary a noir on it, (except for One False Move and maybe Sexy Beast), but there would be a lot of “relationship” films like Searching for Bobby Fischer or Lost in Translation or Nobody’s Fool. Thank heavens I’m comfortable in my masculinity.
If saving the world depended on your punching a rock/pop star in the face, who would it be?
So many rock stars could kick my ass (Henry Rollins, Keith Richards, Courtney Love) that I’m not sure I’d want to stand in there for the counter punch. And several are so wimpy (Stipe, Morrissey, Brian Ferry) that beating them up would be like going house on my sister. It’s really a dilemma. I guess, gun to my head, I’d take a swing at Billy Corgan. I like his music but something about the guy’s face just irks me.
What’s next for Dennis Lehane?
I’m two-plus years into writing my next book, and I’ve still got a year to go, so I feel like I need a vacation. But when I try to take one, I spend all my time feeling guilty and thinking about the book. Then I get back to the book and I can’t write because I lost all my momentum when I tried to take a vacation. So now I’m just deadset on running the table until the beast is put down. It’s a sprawler, though, a mammoth quasi-epic about the Boston Police Strike of 1919 and the Great Influenza Outbreak and WWI and the Red Summer and…man, just talking about makes me queasy again. So, hey, hopefully I don’t fuck it up. If I do, please keep your opinion to yourself.
Many many thanks to Mr. Lehane for being a good sport. Run out and buy
45 copies of Shutter Island right now! And be sure to visit his website for all the latest news.
And BSC Review would like to thank Victor Gischler for the generous use of this interview series!
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Victor Gischler is the author of 4 hard-boiled crime novels. His debut novel Gun Monkeys was nominated for the Edgar Award, and his novel Shotgun Opera was an Anthony Award finalist. His work has been translated into Italian, French, Spanish and Japanese. He earned a Ph.D. in English at the University of Southern Mississippi where they beat him with rolled up newspapers and fed him raw liver. His fifth and sixth novels Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse and Vampire a Go-Go were published by the Touchstone/Fireside imprint of Simon & Schuster.
