Wow. Earth just blew up. Two times.
They were soft explosions; hardly made a sound. But for one fictional character (Will Shuester, the Spanish teacher at William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio), the world came to an end last night.
Twice.
Melodramatic opening, huh? Why, yes — thanks for noticing. But this week’s episode was huge in the show’s various arcs, and I NEED YOU TO PAY ATTENTION because the main stated “plot” of the episode is the biggest macguffin Glee has thrown at us. The action hinges on whether or not New Directions will get a photo in the school yearbook, The Thunderclap. Sue Sylvester has made sure that won’t happen, but Will is determined that it will. Figgins tells him he needs to pay for the yearbook space, so Will writes a personal check, even though Terri has told him not to. (Hear that thunder rolling, in the distance?)
The glee-sters are actually anti-psyched to be in the ‘Clap anyway, due to the school tradition of defacing the club photo — apparently a big deal at McKinley, and apparently the cause of several former singers being murdered or becoming homeless. But one member cares intensely about it; any guesses? Hint: it’s Rachel, who is in every club in school. She has no problem being defaced, but Finn bails on posing for the picture with her. (Hey, by the way, let’s give props to the hostile dudes who taunt Finn, for being completely believable as high school asshole jocks. They’re killing it every time they’re on screen.)
At the photo session, Rachel manages to wangle gigs for the whole club in a mattress commercial, thinking that this will help them all become a bit more popular. The commercial shoot is a blast, actually; the script sucks, and so does their acting, so the kids slap a quick remix on it and suddenly they’re bouncing on massive bedstacks to Van Halen’s “Jump.” Not just the best musical number of the night, but one of the show’s best overall, with blue pajamas and acrobatics and dudes doing pushups and Mercedes wailing all over the place…simply adorable! Little do they know that this will set in motion the whole second explosion….
Oh, but we have to get to the first explosion first. Will, looking for his pocket square, comes across Terri’s fake baby pad. He angrily confronts her; out of excuses, she confesses about everything: the hysterical pregnancy, the faked sonogram, the Quinn plan, all of it. This scene, people, is amazing. The situation is outlandish and farcical, but HOLY CRAP Matthew Morrison and Jessalyn Gilsig are acting the hell out of it. She’s more vulnerable than ever, he’s convincingly and menacingly pissed off, and there’s a palpable sensual vibe when he finally rips off the fake belly she’s got on. She tries to suck him into her vision of them as a couple that only works because she puts him down, but he’s not buying it. He’s out of there.
But where to go? To school, where he rips a cover off one of the mattresses in the band room and tries to get some sleep. Cut to a “Sue’s Corner” where she pleads for “uglies and fatties” to stay home for just one day of the year; when she’s done, she sees the commercial, and It Is On. She goes straight to Figgins and demands the club be banned for accepting the mattresses. Will admits that he’s left his wife but no one cares about that — it’s all about him having used the mattress, so the gift has been accepted. Will faces the fact that it’s him or the Glee Club, and he chooses to take the fall.
Which means he’s out for sectionals.
Which means that all he’s worked for all year long will never be within his grasp. He talks a good game, gives an inspiring speech to the troops, but he has been snapped in two like a Pop-Tart and all his filling is leaking out. If you have a heart, it’s getting wrenched out right now.
Cue Quinn to save the day. Wait, what? Quinn? Sure, why not. Turns out she knows where all the Cheerios’ financial bodies are buried. She manipulates Sue into putting her back on the squad and giving up a yearbook page to New Directions, or she will spill about all the freebies she’s gotten over the years. Sue admiringly says yes before making one LOL PREGNANT joke too many; Quinn quits the team on the spot and bounces. Damn girl, nice spunk…but why do you always sound like you have a cold?
End on Will gazing at his beloved Glee Club, who are getting their picture taken without him. It’s a tragedy, it’s the story of Moses and the rock all over again. Heavy sniffles, if you’re into that sort of thing. No, actually, end on the jerky jocky guys defacing the New Directions’ yearbook page with extreme prejudice. Life sucks, and then it sucks more, and then someone makes fun of how much you suck.
But one of the best suckages ever, and maybe my favorite episode of all of ‘em. Go figure.
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