24 Season 8, Episode 12, 3:00-4:00AM – review

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24 is committing sins worthy of a straight-to-DVD Steven Seagal movie, and during the middle episode of the season no less.  The hackneyed writing has fallen into a steady tempo, at least, but 24 pulls some really awful stunts on the audience during what should be a pivotal episode, considering every other season offered up a two-hour episode at the halfway mark.  The beats are coming as steady as clockwork, and this week it is time for the perpetually compromised CTU HQ to be violated in a vicious way.  This used to be a way to ratchet up suspense and add an extra blanket of danger to the proceedings, but as it happens year after year, you have to wonder how CTU keeps letting these fucking terrorists breach their base of operations.

Of course, the ballad of Dana Walsh hasn’t stopped just yet, and that meddling probation officer keeps being a real pain in the ass.  I’m pretty sure the actor playing him is the old gay vampire that got killed in the first season of True Blood, and he is really one of the better cast members as far as talent goes.  It is amazing how he is able to push Walsh around, though she puts some of her famous subterfuge on display to tell a grand lie.  The probation officer is incredibly competent, just not competent enough to catch the felonious hick before he started blackmailing poor Dana.  Though she decides to fold her cards in the end, the attack on CTU buys her some more time.  As usual, Agent Ortiz responds in a completely rational manner to his fiancee’s brilliant fuck-up that keeps getting worse and worse.  Jack Bauer remonstrates Ortiz about “getting his head in the game,” but we all know that it is perfectly okay for Jack to be over-concerned when his womenfolk are on the line.

Speaking of Bauer double standards, he gets real angry when the NYPD SWAT Sgt. Amos disobeys him and goes in full force; this is all perfectly okay when Jack is leading the troops, but not anyone else.  To be fair, this is the most incompetent SWAT team ever, being gunned down easily by terrorist goons armed with nothing more than pistols.  The Don Juan bodyguard traitor is even able to do a Terminator-style voice change to impersonate a dead officer.  When Marwan was killing LAPD SWAT in season 4, his technique felt real sneaky and clever, but these police are just pushovers, without even the benefit of a trick.  The “cinematography” is up just a notch this season, the dynamic visuals of shadowy troops approaching down a New York street finally taken advantage of.  The NYPD needs to invest in some new body armor, because one pistol shot is able to kill a total of five “highly trained” officers with no problem.

Princess Hassan is really rethinking her relationship with the Bodyguard, as he kidnaps her and delivers her to the head of the terrorists, who bears an unfortunate resemblance to Tony.  In a double feint, the Bodyguard pretends to save her and be shot dead, but it was all a ruse to deliver the killing blow to CTU.  The Terrorists use the daughter, plastic bag over her head, to force President Omar’s hand on “File 33,” long on ominous name, short of content.  File 33 is Kamistan’s info on circumventing the US’s nuclear detection capabilities, and (gasp) radiological detectors in Manhattan, making way  for the dirty bomb threat.  To his credit, President Hassan actually mentions Al Qaeda in passing, and gives some token conversation about the threat the US posed to his country, and File 33 being a deterrent to invasion of sorts.  Iran’s nuclear program is the international flash point to talk about, and the idea of their right to a bomb as protection from US aggression is bandied about, but make no mistake, it is an authoritarian dictatorship abusing its population on a  mass scale.  The US is guilty of torturing foreigners and perhaps a handful of US citizens found on foreign battle fields, but at the very least our government isn’t sending political protesters to jail to be raped man and woman alike, then executed.  Our government has done some terrible things, but it’s nothing compared to whats been going on (for many years) in the dictatorships of the Middle East.  Omar is a voice for these naive arguments in support of Kamistan (Iran) and their rights to nuclear technology.

There are two terrible things this episode.  One is when Jack and Ortiz are heading to the Terrorist HQ, and their vehicles change from the current model Chevy Suburbans to the early 2000 body style.  It is pretty lazy to not even keep your characters in the same car while in transit, but they  will save some money when it gets all shot up (impressively) next episode, complete with another “Jack’s gonna die” lie.  CTU loses its suspects in a tunnel, maybe the same tunnel from season 4, and act completely surprised.  Terrorists have been using tunnels to escape from CTU for a long time, and they escape their awesome abandoned bank headquarters by one of three more tunnels.  CTU really needs to up its game with some ground penetrating satellites, or stop complaining.  The tunnel scenes are another nice touch of “cinematography” as far as it goes; the on-location filming and pale green color really open things up in a way that the claustrophobic CTU and various abandoned industrial locales fail to do.  A panoramic shot of Jack, gun drawn, in front of the SUV approaching a menacing cab with tinted windows is probably the most dynamic of the episode, which is kind of sad, when you think about it.  The bank HQ was pretty cool, and the faux Iranian flag with an incoherent coat of arms was all right, too, but I figured the bank vault would be used to keep a SWAT team from getting in with explosives at least.

The coup de grace the terrorists serve up is so lame that it squelches any goodwill built up to this point.  Princess Hassan was fooled by the bodyguard into thinking he (1) loved her and was wrongly accused by her father, (2)was a terrorist ready to kill her for ransom from her father, (3)turned against the terrorists and saved her (my prediction last week was at least half-right) and (4) faked his death and pretended to save her so that (5)she drove a car into the heart of CTU HQ laden with an EMP bomb.  This EMP bomb is real stupid, the second terrible thing in this terrible episode, and so is the random guard who decides to drive it away with a few seconds on the clock.  This poor fool is inexplicably fried to a crisp (and he knows it’s coming), and Hastings makes a ridiculous jump away from an EMP pulse renedered in some of the most awful CGI in recent memory.  24 has done EMP bombs before, but not like this.  They should stick to the flash of light, not some idiotic single plane plasma graphic.  This has been a terrible season, but that takes the cake, like the cougar, or evil daddy Bauer.  Also, Renee has been completely absent for the past few episodes without comment or explanation.  It is clear that the show isn’t even trying any more, and it is also clear it is likely to be cancelled and (unlikely) sold to NBC.  Maybe things will start looking up once the sun comes up, but right now it appears that this tired show is going to die with a gasp, not a bang.

11 Comments

1. 

   Ruben

   March 16, 2010 at 2:09 pm

   Thank you for this review. My first words when the EMP went off were literally “Again?! What the fuck!” whilst looking up, shaking my fists in a Khaaaaanesque manner.

   I’ve always loved the show until this season (although, seriously, season 7 was really stretching it). I’m going to finish it but it’ll be just fine as background noise while doing the dishes.

   Remember Day One? With Dennis Hopper? Yep… Sorry I’ve just made you cry.

   Reply
2. 

   Scott Parker

   March 16, 2010 at 3:23 pm

   Watched this season until the Olympics hit. I taped two weeks of episodes and then the third (since I hadn’t seen the previous two episodes). As a fan of “24″ since, literally, Day One, I’ve been chagrined at last season’s story and this season’s lackluster story. I have not caught up yet (I’m up to the first episode of the Olympics) and, frankly, may not catch up. I’m not fretting about missing the show. Neither is my wife. I think “24″ just lost two viewers.

   Reply
3. 

   john

   March 16, 2010 at 4:02 pm

   This review is a joke.

   Reply
4. 

   Scott Parker

   March 16, 2010 at 5:38 pm

   Lol, about my previous comment I’m retarded and useless, I was drunk and shit. HAHA!

   24 season 8 is good, but when I’m drunk I tend to say useless stuff and be high and almighty

   Reply
5. 

   Eric Stanek

   March 16, 2010 at 6:25 pm

   This review is so awful. Episode 12 was great and you need to stop bitching. The EMP idea was brilliant and no one saw that coming.

   Reply
6. 

   Eli

   March 16, 2010 at 7:38 pm

   Ruben and Scott, the problem is the lack of a huge story arc with gigantic implications in the finale. Season 7 was good as far as being boilerplate Clancy-esque action and palace intrigue, but things are a lot less exciting than even that this season. Remember the mid-season episode last year when there was a huge gun fight in the white house? Wasn’t great, but at least it had ambition and scale.

   As far as trying for another season, I would rather see the movie than more television, though I think the best thing would be for the movie to be the final episodes of a season.

   Reply
7. 

   Abd

   March 16, 2010 at 11:19 pm

   I agree, this review is a joke. Episode 12 from session 8 was awesome!!!
   Save 24!!!

   Reply
8. 

   kyle

   March 17, 2010 at 12:32 am

   This review isn’t really a joke.

   If you have been watching 24 since season 1 then you would know Season 8 is terribly lacking. There is no effort going into it. I have a feeling the season would have been better if Bill was still alive, choles husband morris played a small role, and perhaps if Tony was still doing something.

   Something about this season is depressing. Maybe it’s because I know this is the end of the run. I really wish that finish off the season on a positive note. I will continue watching the last 12 episodes in lieu of a miraculous ending.

   Reply
9. 

   Reply 2 Kyle

   March 17, 2010 at 4:51 am

   I have been watching 24 since season 1, and because of that I find season 8 is pretty good, not many shows can keep up with 8 seasons and still be this good.

   People always expect the best and compare it to older versions, well this is not the older version so stop comparing it to them.

   After 8 years+ from doing the same show I’m amazed they could still do some thing exiting.

   24 is amazing!

   Reply
10. 

    Ducan

    March 17, 2010 at 7:00 am

    The show is great, and this episode was the best, if you compare 24 to other series like person break, so can see it went downhill, same goes for heroes, but 24 after 8th seasons and still sticking to same from season 1.

    People don’t like it when a show changes its way they will always say the old one was better, and when a show sticks to the old ways they will call it boring ( in this case 24).

    24 season 8 is great, and if your a fan of 24 and cant see that I feel sorry for you.

    Reply
11. 

    Pete

    March 22, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    I just caught up on the last two episodes, and finally feel like maybe this season will get back to 24′s excellent roots. Sure, almost every double-cross and attack on CTU has been done before, but they worked the first time so why not use them again? Up until the double-double-cross and the EMP, this season just didn’t have much going for it.

    Hopefully the writers close off the Dana Walsh saga this week with the video footage having been wiped out by the EMP, because that subplot was total garbage. Even when 24 isn’t believable, the writers usually make you forget about its inconsistencies, but that whole story arc was absolutely ridiculous….not to mention super boring.

    In general, this season (so far) has to rank as the second-worst, just above the travesty that was Day 6. Here’s to hoping it gets back on track in the second half. I’m still hoping a 2nd half ratings bump will convince Fox to go for one more season.

    Reply