Glee: “The Power of Madonna” – review

People have been loving this episode since it was first rumored, much less when it was confirmed and shot and actually aired–OMG WHAT A PERFECT FIT THIS IS ALREADY THE GREATEST HOUR OF TELEVISION OF OUR LIVES, etc. Well, what if the empress has no clothes?

I’m just going to start here with my thesis statement:  in many ways, this was the worst episode of Glee of the year. Ryan Murphy’s epic suck-up worked, in that he got to license Madonna’s music for his show and create a huge buzz and all that. But it also backfired, because about 35% of the dialogue was devoted to how awesome Madonna is and another 35% went to her songs and discussions of how awesome they are. That was unnecessary; if I wanted this much blatant Madonna worship, I’d watch Truth or Dare again, or go back in time to when I was in high school. Also, the monologues about Madge’s greatness were clunky, to say the least. (To say the most, it was like a huge plea for teenagers to love their spiritual godmother again, even if that spiritual godmother hasn’t done anything for them in almost a decade.)

And we went way out of character all over the place. Sue as a massive Madonna fan with girly notebook writing? Only makes sense if she is supposed to be Camille Paglia (NOT MY THEORY), but that would not fit with Sue’s general loathing of sex, would it? I understand Kurt digging the M, but come on, Murphy, the vast majority of high schoolers are no longer wearing bangle bracelets and memorizing deep album cuts from I’m Breathless. (This theory has been checked with actual high school students, so it’s pretty much a fact.) Just seemed like a lot of hoo-ha brown-nosing and too many missed opportunities for examining what Madonna might actually mean to today’s kids, is all I’m saying.

But did the songs actually work? Well, yes, largely. The best number was the medley of “Borderline” (Madonna’s fourth-greatest song) and “Open Your Heart” (her sixth-greatest song) with Finn and Rachel almost re-discovering their love but then not quite. This stood out for the sensuality between Lea Michele and Cory Monteith, but also for the throwaway gag of all the different Madonna outfits being sported in the school hallway. Subtle, but hilarious.

Other great numbers: the guys singing “What It’s Like for a Girl,” the all-female “Express Yourself,” and the six-way jam on “Like a Virgin” while everyone’s trying to figure out whether to lose it. I was kind of iffy about the finale of “Like a Prayer” until the curtain came up and the choir started blasting away at it. (Nice subtle yellow and red scheme, there, Glee producers!) So top marks for that.

But the Cheerios’ stilt routine to “Ray of Light” was predictably ho-hum, and “Vogue” would have worked 1,000,000,000 times better if they hadn’t spoiled it last week, and if they hadn’t pretty much gone shot-for-shot and note-for-note with the original, with two little changes thrown in for a post-modern thing. And, while I loved the dramatic reveal of Kurt and Mercedes joining the Cheerios, their version of “Four Minutes” wasn’t much of a much, even with the marching band. Sorry, but it’s true.

Funny stuff–Sue’s fanship reveal (complete with the hilarious stuff about her parents’ jobs!), Britney’s massage-a-nist joke, the triple V-card dilemma. Horrid stuff: the idea that Madonna will immediately turn you into a sexual dynamo with incredible personal power, and the outcome of the V-card night–the two little white girls get to stay pure, while the nice wholesome white guy feels awful about his tryst with the slutty Latina? I’d be tempted to call this a SHOWFAIL but I’m backing off that because (a) maybe I’m overreacting and (b) Santana is icy-hot perfection, from her improbable nose to her “win-win” attitude.

Also, I hate the introduction of Jesse St. James into the cast about as much as the other members of Nude Erections New Directions hate him joining their group. Kid’s a great actor and singer and all that, but come on, son.