Rubber, Drive Angry, Scream 4, and Zombies: Crypt Keeper’s Corner

Welcome back to Crypt Keeper’s Corner, the column that adds the horror to the BSC family. This week, I give the skinny on a few genuine horrors heading your way, how network TV is starting to hop on its typical copycat bandwagon, and rant a little about trying to make a scary movie without a scary villain.

Rubber: The Movie

Maybe you’ve heard of the newest cinema villain heading your way. His name is Robert. Sure, Robert isn’t the type of name that might cause you to shudder in fear, but then how scary was Freddy or Jason before Hollywood gave those names power?

I have a serious problem with Robert, and it has nothing to do with his name. Robert…is a tire. Yep, just a dusty old tire out in the desert that can move around on his own. I’m assuming the tire is a “he” because of being named Robert. Oh yeah, one more thing – Robert has telepathic powers and can kill with a thought…or whatever a tire has that passes for thinking.

The movie is called Rubber and I’ve included the movie trailer below just so you know I’m not making this crap up.

I love a good horror movie, and I’m honestly not too picky about how that horror is packaged. Bring on SyFy’s Sharktopus or Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, or pull out all the stops with movies like Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds (which scared the crap out of me when I was a kid), but stop trying to make non-scary things scary…or at least make it somewhat believable. A cute little doll is possessed by the spirit of a killer and comes to life? Awesome! A tire vibrates and a bird goes POOF? I don’t think so.

What’s sad is Rubber isn’t the first movie to try something like this. Anyone remember Attack of the Killer Tomatoes? Holy Crap! They’re tomatoes. Hop in a monster truck (my personal preference would be Grave Digger) and go spinning through town. Emergency over and pizza sauce for everybody. What’s really bad about that one is it actually gave birth to a sequel, Return of the Killer Tomatoes.

Does that mean we’ll be seeing Son of Robert in the near future? Possibly. In the meantime, keep an eye on that Goodyear, because there’s no telling what it’s really thinking when you kick it.

Rubber will be released on April 1st, but you can watch it on demand starting February 25th. Yeah, I can see you running to mark your calendars now.

Drive Angry

Nicolas Cage as an agent of Hell? Didn’t he already do that in Ghost Rider? Actually, Nic’s character (Milton) could probably teach the skull-faced motorcycle rider a thing or two about vengeance. In Drive Angry, Milton breaks out of Hell to open a can of serious whup-ass on the cult that murdered his daughter. It’s not all about vengeance, though, because the cult plans to sacrifice his granddaughter.

It sounds like an easy enough job when you’ve managed to break out of Hell itself, but mere mortals aren’t all that Milton has to face. A supernatural being known as the Accountant (William Fichtner) is determined to drag Milton back to where he came from, and this guy really doesn’t like to take “No” for an answer.

Check out the trailer and let me know what you think, and then drool over the wicked motion poster. If the movie is just half as awesome as the poster, I’ll be seeing this flick multiple times.

Drive Angry is pulling into theaters on February 25th.

Scream 4

FearNet recently reported that Wes Craven took to Twitter to let everyone know he was back in Michigan to do some reshoots on Scream 4. No word on which scenes needed a do-over, but he did provide a picture of Alison Brie on the set. Yeah, the pic doesn’t really show anything exciting, but at least it’s something.

As far as exciting goes, there’s also a new poster for the movie. It kind of borrows from a Scream 3 promo image, but it still looks good.

Scream 4 will be slashing its way into theaters on April 15th.

Zombies, Zombies, Everywhere

I guess we should’ve seen this one coming…and actually I did. I just assumed it would take a little longer. AMC’s The Walking Dead made everyone sit up and pay attention to the fact that you don’t need fangs or sparkly skin to have a supernatural hit. Now, everyone seems to be hopping on the zombie bandwagon.

The CW is rolling out Awakening, and I’m really not holding my breath for this one. Why? It’s the CW, and that means we’re probably going to encounter the sexiest zombies that have ever been seen. The synopsis also says something about two girls coming of age and facing off against each other. Really? The dead are up and walking around, and you want to concentrate on emotions and angst? It’s simple; the living are your friends, and the dead aren’t. What’s to fight about?

I have a little more hope for NBC’s Zombies vs. Vampires, although there’s absolutely no info on the show at the moment. With a title like that, it’s either going to be awesome or complete crap.

Be Buried in Silent Hill

If you’re a Silent Hill fan and have a little artistic flair, then this contest is for you. KONAMI recently launched their “Be Buried in Silent Hill” promotion, giving you the chance to submit concept art of a “spine-chilling burial sculpture” for a chance of having it included in the video game, Silent Hill: Downpour. It’s a new chapter in the Silent Hill saga so sculptures have to be original and not based on any existing characters or creatures.

According to KONAMI,

“The most ideal submissions will be hellishly original designs players would want to see in Silent Hill: Downpour. KONAMI will hand-select the top six submissions and post for public voting on Silent Hill’s Facebook page on February 10, 2011, and will conclude on February 16, 2011 when the top three contenders will be revealed.”

Put that twisted imagination to use and become a part of the Silent Hill legacy.

Thanks for stopping by Crypt Keeper’s Corner. It gets lonely around here with nothing but dusty skulls and rabid rats to keep me company. Stop by next week, when I share my top choices in movies for watching on Valentine’s Day. No sappy love stories or dramatic love triangles here. This will be a movie list done Crypt Keeper style. Of course, I’ll also have the latest and greatest news revolving around the world of horror.

Sleep tight and watch where you step when you get out of bed. I think some of my rabid rats are missing.