Valentine’s Day, Harker, Walking Dead, & High Moon: Crypt Keeper’s Corner

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Valentine’s Day, that special day when you show how much you’d kill to be with that one special person, is right around the corner, and I wanted to offer up the Crypt Keeper’s Valentine collection of movies so you can cuddle up with the one you love to death and enjoy a few heart-warming heart-slashing flicks.

My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)

Tom returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of the Valentine’s night massacre that claimed the lives of 22 people. Instead of a homecoming, however, Tom finds himself suspected of committing the murders, and it seems like his old flame is the only one who believes he’s innocent.

This is my personal favorite. If you’re looking for some truly great horror that isn’t quite ‘A’ material but is well above a ‘B’ movie, then Lionsgate is the place to turn, and this one has it all. Jensen Ackles from the CW’s Supernatural has the main role, we get some truly over-the-top 3D effects because My Bloody Valentine 3D tackled 3D before it became the trendy thing, and we actually have suspense that will put you on the edge of your seat. If you only check out one movie on the list, make it this one.

Valentine (2001)

Four friends start to receive morbid Valentine’s Day cards. Someone out there is stalking them…someone they all spurned when they were younger. And Valentine’s Day 2001 is the day she (or he) gets revenge.

The trailer is L-A-M-E, and the movie stars Denise Richards, so you know we’re not talking Oscar material here, but if you’re looking for a good popcorn movie that has some decent deaths and a plot that doesn’t strain your brain (could it be the nerdy guy that was humiliated years ago?) then Valentine is a decent little blood-fest. As an extra bonus, you get to see David Boreanaz before he found Bones.

Lover’s Lane (1999)

A man who killed 13 years before goes out on the loose to kill his victims’ children.

What’s not to love about this one? The tagline, ‘There’s no such thing as safe sex,’ is perfect for this film, which revels in being a pure slasher flick. We’ve all heard the urban legend about making out, hearing a strange sound and then driving off…only to discover a hook dangling from the door handle. This film gives that myth solid form, and it enjoys doing it every step of the way.

House of Wax (2005)

Six friends are stranded in a ghost town where a towering wax museum looms ahead. And inside are two brothers who have a special way of making the wax figures look real.

House of Wax is here because – ya know – some people like to whip out the wax and get a little kinky…although these guys take it a little too far. You also get to see the other half of the Supernatural team, Jared Padalecki, and, yes, that is Paris Hilton. Do you need any better reason to watch this besides the chance of seeing Paris being stalked by a psycho?

Zombie Honeymoon (2004)

Zombie Honeymoon is a gore-soaked exploration of how far the boundaries of true love can be pushed without reaching a breaking point.

If all the blood and gore leaves you craving lighter (or at least cheesier) fare, then this will scratch that itch. This is lower than a ‘B’ movie, but it has a charm all its own. Denise and Danny are chillin’ at the beach when a strange guy wades out of the ocean and vomits blood onto Danny. While he seems normal at first, he’s actually a zombie now, and he craves what all zombies do. Will Denise let a little thing like her husband being undead destroy their love? With the AMC’s The Walking Dead being such a huge hit, I’m waiting for someone to remake this little jewel any day now.

Valentine’s Day can’t last forever, so we’ll move on to some fresh meat and see what’s coming our way.

Harker

Have you had your fill of vampires yet? Leonardo DiCaprio and Warner Brothers are hoping the answer is no, because they plan to do another spin on the popular Dracula mythos with Harker, a movie about a Scotland Yard detective named Jonathan Harker who is on the trail of Dracula.

At this time, DiCaprio is just planning on acting as producer, and writers Lee Shipman and Brian McGreevy are handling the scripting duties. It’s still in the very early planning stage, but I’ll let you know more as the film starts to take shape.

Walking Dead Action Figures

McFarlane Toys wants you to fill your house with dead people, according to MTV, because The Walking Dead Action Figures will be shambling into a store near you soon. Check out the press release and let me know what you think: Will you get Rick Grimes or Zombie Lurker first?

In one the most creative action figure collaborations of 2011, McFarlane Toys announced today two separate deals concerning the licensing rights of “The Walking Dead.” The first is with AMC to create action figures based on the original series that premiered on the network in October of last year. The second is with Robert Kirkman to also create action figures based on the comic book series created by him. This is the first time action figures have been produced, and both lines are available to retailers this fall.

“Kirkman has created a world that is macabre and suspenseful with deeply-drawn characters: both human and zombies,” said Todd McFarlane, McFarlane Toys, creative force and CEO. “Working with the creative talents of Kirkman and AMC, we have planned figures lines that authentically represent both the television and comic series – including mind-blowing details, likenesses and play action. We want to push the envelope so that the true essence of ‘The Walking Dead’ series is captured.”

The first series of deluxe 6-inch figures is releasing in September 2011, and includes four fan-favorite characters from the Image comic book including:

THE WALKING DEAD Series 1
Officer Rick Grimes
Michonne
Zombie Lurker
Zombie Roamer

The second series of deluxe 6-inch figures is revealed in November 2011 and introduces four figures based on AMC’s original drama including:

THE WALKING DEAD Series 2
Deputy Rick Grimes
Daryl Dixon
Zombie Walker
Zombie Biter

Each human figure includes multiple interchangeable accessories and several points of articulation for limitless possibility and customization. Each zombie figure features unique, gory, play action such as exploding heads and removable limbs. Figures are expected to sell for around $14.99 at retailers nationwide.

“I simply cannot contain my excitement over working with McFarlane Toys,” said Robert Kirkman, creator of “The Walking Dead” comic-book series. “For nearly two decades McFarlane Toys have proven themselves to be leading the pack when it comes to making cool looking, innovative toys, and I’m thrilled that they’re going to continue to do so with ‘The Walking Dead.”

Removable limbs is understandable. I used to remove the limbs from my action figures all the time… even if they weren’t meant to be removed, but exploding heads? I’ve got to check that out.

The pic of one of the zombies from Series 1 was provided by MTV Geek.

High Moon

If you’re more into fur than rotting flesh, then you might want to check out High Moon Comics for their Old West werewolf series. You can try it out for free, because the first book in the series is available to read online. The story looks pretty good, and the artwork is great, too. Not too much werewolf action taking place in this first one, so I’ll be checking out more of the series to see how that gets handled.

Stephen King’s Dark Tower is being turned into a movie and a TV series, and there are whisperings in the shadows about Pet Sematary being remade. The King of horror is becoming popular in Hollywood again, so check back next week to find out which of King’s novels I think are worthy of the reboot game and which ones just need to get the boot, as well as more info on fangs and fur and other things that hide from the sun.