Junk TV Round-Up: BURN NOTICE, MOB DOCTOR, CRIMINAL MINDS, TRANSPORTER

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All right, you buncha undercooked couch potatoes, limber up your DVR and pretend like you don’t need any friends, it’s time for more junk TV.

Sleeper hit Burn Notice has its sixth season premiere tonight, and I’m betting the suits over at the USA Network haven’t been this pleased since they dug Silk Stalkings out of CBS’s garbage.  Series creator Matt Nix had a chat with the good folks over at TVLine and he explains that this will be a very different season.  Which, yes, every series creator says before a premiere, but I think Nix actually means it this time.  As you may (or may not) recall, the end of last season found the sweet(?) and precious(!) Fiona in the slammer after she turned herself in for blowing up the consulate.  This canny move totally threw a monkey wrench in Anson’s plans (Jere Burns, be on every show ever from now on, please and thanks), but now as noted little Fi is in jail.  If anybody knows how to jail, it’s her, but as Nix points out, generally speaking Burn Notice hits the reset button every season, allowing for the show’s accessibility.  This won’t be so easy, though, they can’t just spring Fi outta the can like it’s an old western.  But hell, after six seasons, why not take your time with it a bit?

I dunno, man, the more I hear about this Mob Doctor show, the more I kinda shrug about it.  The latest is that longtime writer/producer of Bones, Carla Kettner, has joined Mob Doctor as an executive producer.  Bones has never really done it for me, and I think that might have a lot to do with the boring ol’ Moonlighting sexual tension thing.  From the preliminary descriptions of Mob Doctor, there doesn’t seem to be much danger of that, so y’know, I guess I don’t need to leap to that conclusion, but Deadline also mentions that Kettner and Mob Doctor co-creator Josh Berman used to work together on a couple of other Fox series, Vanished and Killer Instinct.  Remember what good times we had with those shows?  I guess what I’m driving at is that William Forsythe had better have a large part, Mob Doctor.  A very large part.

Good news for the Old People Network: Jeanne Tripplehorn has signed on to join CBS’s Criminal Minds as a regular cast member for one season, if not two, according to Deadline.  Her character will fill the void left by Paget Brewster’s character, Emily Prentiss.  As fans of the show will likely know, CBS handed Brewster and co-star A.J. Cook their walking papers a couple years ago, but due to an unprecedented fan uproar, they were brought back for season 7.  Cook eventually got a new contract, but Brewster decided to pass.  So now, Big Love‘s Jeanne Tripplehorn will be on this hoary ol’ procedural.  I will always love Tripplehorn, though, because she’s married to Leland Orser (one of my favorite character actors) and because she used to pop up on stuff like The Ben Stiller Show and the “Jeepers Creepers” episode of Mr. Show with Bob and David.

Oh, poor Cinemax.  Y’know, I’ll bet Showtime and HBO show as much soft-core porn as you do, but since their names can’t be made into a stupid pun like “Skinemax,” they get taken more seriously than you.  And now your foray into original programming is not going well a’tall.  The Transporter, the show based on those Jason Statham movies, had to halt production late last year after star Chris Vance hurt himself on-set.  And now showrunners Brad Turner and Tim Lea have been brought on board to replace Steve Shill, who had been brought on last year to replace Joseph Mallozzi and Paul Mullie.  So there’s that.  Actually, playing the showrunner shuffle may not the big deal we all kinda assume it to be, but it certainly doesn’t give anyone an overflowing amount of confidence either.  Chin up, though, Cinemax; Banshee looks like it’ll be pretty good.  Not good enough for me to order you, but…

And with that, this is your overconfident editor-in-chief, Jimmy Callaway, saying: Go read a book.