Junk TV Round-Up: MOB WIVES CHICAGO, FRANKLIN & BASH, WHITE COLLAR, CSI

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Well, kids, it’s summertime and the weather is beautiful, perfect for staying indoors and rotting your brain.  Now is the time of year when the network stars jet-set to their summer homes in France, while the basic cable stars roll up their sleeves and get to work.  Here are a few of the…well, not highlights, but you know what we mean.

This week, VH1 will be premiering its first spin-off of its successful reality show, Mob Wives.  Imaginatively titled Mob Wives Chicago, the show focuses on five Mafia princesses in…uh, Green Bay?  The Quad Cities?  Somewhere in the Midwest, but it’s not clear exactly where.  The Hollywood Reporter seems genuinely concerned that this spin-off will not hold to the same level of quality as the original, where as we are sure it will not only achieve that same level but perhaps even surpass its heights of low-brow culture.  So tune in to the premiere this Sunday and see if you can’t actually hear Al Capone turning in his grave.

Tonight on TNT, we have the season 2 premiere of Franklin & Bash, the goofy yet fun shyster lawyer show.  TVLine got a sit-down with Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and he promptly dished on the litany of guest stars who would be joining himself and Breckin Meyer this year.  Some of the more exciting names include Kevin Nealon, who has lately made a name for himself over on Showtime’s Weeds, but who will always be my first Weekend Update correspondent.  Also mentioned is the great Beau Bridges, who never gets enough work as far as I’m concerned, and one of my long-time celebrity crushes, Jane Seymour, who still plays solitaire with my heart after all these years.  Gosselaar also discussed the possibility of acting again with former Saved by the Bell co-star, Tiffani Thiessen (who’s apparently Amber-less these days).  Whether she’d be on F&B or if ol’ Zack would drop in on her show, White Collar, he didn’t say, though he did make clear that he would not want it to just be some cheap reunion gimmick.  Good for you, Mark-Paul; you wouldn’t hear Mario Lopez say something like that.

Speaking of White Collar, USA has released a new promo for the upcoming season 4, premiering July 10th:

So it looks like Neal and Mozzie (played by Willie Garson, one of my faves since Mr. Belvedere, no shit) have been living it up in paradise, and Mekhi Phifer is pissed off.  If he and Tim DeKay team up this season, I think that alone would get me to tune in: two far underrated TV actors working together to take down some pretty boy, walking around with his shirt off and being all in better shape than me.  Go get ‘im, fellas.

And last and kind of least, a story to be filed under “No-Brainer”: Original CSI cast-member Eric Szmanda has inked a deal to continue on with the show into season 13.  Hey, man, in this economy, a steady gig is hard to find, and nothing against Mr. Szmanda, but it’s not as though folks are clamoring for a Greg Sanders solo spin-off where he buys a diner and hires four sassy waitresses who help him learn to laugh about love again.  Also: Jesus, 13 seasons?  Even in Las Vegas, I can’t imagine there are 13 seasons worth of crime scenes to investigate.

That’s it for now, kids.  This is your humble E-i-C Jimmy Callaway saying: Go read a book.