Wife to ROBOCOP: Abbie Cornish

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Every heart-touching cop drama needs a long-suffering wife to keep a candle lit in the window for her lawman. Even a Robocop. Joel Kinnaman, the latest future of cyborg law enforcement, may have found his bereaved spouse in the form of Abbie Cornish. Robocop’s wife, Mrs. Murphy, has been offered to Cornish, and she’s in talks now.

Here’s a prime directive for you, Abbie: Take the role.

I don’t care if artistic integrity might make you balk at playing bed mate to a mostly metal superhero. I don’t care if remakes, rebakes or rehashes make you cringe on a moral level, like they do many sensible audiences. I don’t even care if you’re booked by a Von Trier or a Van Sant when Jose Padilha gets the camera rolling on this bad boy.

Drop whatever you’re doing, grab some Kleenex, a black veil and WD-40, and take the role of Robocop Wife.

Why am I so adamant about hooking Abbie up with Alex J. Murphy? It’s for her own good: This woman is, reportedly, a fine actress. But according to me and a vast span of American viewers, those are merely rumors. For all of Abbie’s accolades, her flawless kisser and her charming moniker, she’s remained a star on the margins.

She was Wallis Simpson in Madonna’s riposte to The King’s Speech, W. E. Yeah, I didn’t rush right out to that one either, even though The King’s Speech can shove its flaccid grasp of history where the sun don’t shine. She was also in The Girl, that recently tried to turn heads at Tribeca, and Candy, as a junkie paired with Heath Ledger.

Yeah, you read that right: Heath Frickin’ Ledger. Abbie’s got some road miles on her. She’s skidded all around, with near-misses like Stop Loss and Sucker Punch, for years. She needs some traction.

Robocop is that traction. The upcoming Robocopy is a remake that, whether you love it, hate it, or simply know there’s a frenzy of cyborg ultra-violence in it, you’ll probably see. Strong emotions and even-stronger post-production budgets surrounding this film are going to give it a mighty opening weekend.

Playing Robocop‘s wife, Abbie Cornish will finally be able to step into the mainstream spotlight. Albeit in the shadow of a superhero.